Our Anniversary

 5/19/2014. Our 7th wedding anniversary. 7 years ago today we gathered with family and friends and make a lifelong commitment to each other. And today I sit here alone, without him for a month now, wondering what to do with the pain and sadness. This will the the first of many anniversaries without him. But today will always be our anniversary, and I will keep counting the years because no matter what, today is the day we married. Even without him here, it will continue to be our anniversary forever. Looking back on this day, though, I never in a million years suspected this is how things would turn out for us.

It was a wonderful day. We were married at my grandfathers farm house in Gilford, NH. We almost had to move the ceremony to the reception location at Gunstock, since it was a rainy day. But we made the call at 2pm that rain or shine the wedding would be at the farm. We had bagpipes for music, a tribute to my late grandparents and Scottish heritage. Loki our husky was our ring bearer. After the quick ceremony (performed by my Uncle Park), we took off in the back of a pick up truck for the reception. It was very 'us' :). Then we ate, drank, and danced the night away. It was perfect in every way. I know they say that no matter what, something will go wrong on your wedding day. There will be some glitch, something you planned and it didn't go quite right. I don't recall anything like that happening at our wedding, though. Oh, except for maybe the bar running out of Jack Daniels... we warned them they would need a lot! And the possible rain. But all in all, not too shabby.

I was so happy, honored, and proud to call Mike my husband. He was an amazing person in so many ways. That doesn't mean that our marriage was a fantasy book - it came with its share of ups and downs. I don't want anyone to think that we had this absolutely amazing relationship that was so perfect. We didn't. We had our struggles - both individually and as a couple. As some have reminded me recently we fought hard and we loved hard. Which is very true. Mike wasn't always an easy person to love. And I wasn't either. And I probably could have been a better wife in a lot of ways - but hindsight is always 20/20. I didn't make things easy on him, I'm stubborn and hard headed. And so was he - what a combination! For better or worse is right - and there were times I felt like 'the worse' far out numbered 'the better'. But at the end of the day we loved each other. And no matter what was to come, I knew that I would love him forever. We had been through a lot together both as a couple and as husband and wife. And we made it through together, which says a lot.


We never did much for our anniversary - might go out to dinner or something like that. But we weren't huge celebrators of birthdays/anniversaries etc. This year, though, we had planned a trip in late June to New Orleans together to celebrate. Neither of us have been there before, so we thought it might be a fun get away for a few days.  I'm still going to go on that trip. I know he'd want me to go... and I'll bring some of his things with me and hope that he joins me.

Gunnar knows what today is, and has assured me there will be 'lots of hugs' for me, and I hope that some of those will be from Mike. Adella sees these photos and lights up at seeing daddy. And when she does I see his eyes. He's always with me I know, because I have them - he lives on in both of them. And today I'll go back down to the crash site and talk to him. Wish him a happy anniversary. Say I'm sorry. Remind him of how much I love him. Ask him to help me get through this. And try to figure out why this all happened.

Our wedding song, True Companion by Marc Cohen.


Annie's Song - John Denver - Almost our wedding song!

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest,
like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain,
like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean.
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.

Come let me love you, let me give my life to you,
let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms,
let me lay down beside you, let me always be with you.
Come let me love you, come love me again.

You fill up my senses like a night in the forest,
like the mountains in springtime, like a walk in the rain,
like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy blue ocean.
You fill up my senses, come fill me again.